||...im jumping out of my skin.
summers coming, and the air screams in an inpenitrable silence, that change is taking shape...
he's happy, and shes happier but cant figure out why. the puzzle peices her fragile mind spoke of earlier took shape and molded into something so insanely beautiful that its tearing her up inside. she cant figure out which way is supposed to be up, nor is she ready to. shes waiting to hear something, but she cant figure out what it is, and sometimes, when they talk she can hear it in his voice, and its scarey because her mind speaks it quietly back to her. she pushes it away laughing though, filing it into a tightly knitted box, for just another day.
she's smiling at no one, and loves it. because this smile is real, and sincere, and she cant let go of it. his eyes tell some kind of sick and twisted story that only she can understand, like a quiet and unspoken language, that has yet to be discovered. when they are together, and he presses her forehead to hers, their nose touching almost slightly, she can close her eyes and feel what hes thinking. she can, because whatever she is, conicides beautifully with what ever it is that he has to say in that moment. so she reaches out and hugs him, and wonders if he finds it odd, how she just grabs hold of him at seemingly odd moments and pulls him close to her in embrace. nothing premiscuous about that moment, infact its just a hug. but it keeps them close emotionally, without letting go of the physical. its human, and its safe, and she cant seem to be without it.
thats the thing, the without-ness shes afraid of. because some realization struck her that day, layin there alone with him. as to why she was there. and it's not because she wanted to be. not because she needed the solace that he brought with him and his smile, she was with him, simply because she couldnt imagine herself ever NOT being. and she stopped caring what anyone else thought within that moment, and again when she fell asleep on his shoulder. she threw caution to the wind, because shes happy.
eh so summer is on the way, and plans are starting to become something which is good because we definately have an awesome summer ahead of us, with all of us *hopefully* driving, we can go places, and do things like never before. oh its on! im happy 2 finally start to see all my friends happy again and as soon as matt gets everything figured out, which im praying that he does, its going to be awesome. i truely love my nbpt crew, hehe they made me realize that i needed to get over myself and realize i could have fun here, soo, thank you guys so much.
school is almost over, and i couldnt be happier, 2 more days, and wednesday im DONE, uh i cant wait to be rid of that place for 3 months, it gets to a point around this time where the cement walls and landsend uniforms start to suffocate you.
ah im so happy right now ive been smiling into the emptiness for days now. finals are going on, and when i finish early, which is inevitable, i just kinda sit ther doodling my emotions on to the test paper, its remarkable what developes, but im happy. HE MAKES ME SOOO HAPPY! ...i cant get over it, nor do i want to.
"Un minuto es un eternidad
Asi es un dia sin tí
(Asi es un dia sin tí)
Y sin embargo no puedo vivir
Cambiando todo por ti"
so, its kisses for him, as they will always be
and daps for all the rest.